We all know we should eat more vegetables. Exercise more. Prioritize sleep. Meditate each day. Though it’s so hard to actually be consistent with these actions. Why is healthy change so difficult to achieve in practice?
Why telling people what to do doesn’t work
Let’s get into what goes on when someone tells us something like, “You should eat more vegetables.” As humans, we have an innate need to be in control of our lives. In the field of behavior change, we refer to this as “autonomy” or “one’s right to choose for themself.”
When someone is considering a healthy change in their mind, think of it like they have two warring parties in their brain, one arguing for change, one arguing to stay the same. When an external source, like a well-meaning friend or doctor, tells that person to eat more veggies, that external source is joining the party that is arguing for change.
What happens next? The party that is arguing to stay the same needs to step it up! So the person responds with an argument of their own to stay the same, and people tend to believe what they hear themselves say more than what others say, even when those others are experts. This is why telling people what to do, even if we think we know what to tell them to help them achieve the outcome they want, is often counterproductive and generates resistance. We can never manufacture the desire to change for someone.
A simple but insidious difficulty
On the surface it may seem like no big deal. We change or we don’t, we do the thing or we don’t, right? However, think about a change you’re on the fence about making – in other words, a change you’re ambivalent about. When you start heading in one direction, the other becomes more tempting.
To go back to our vegetable example, when we eat too much processed food, we feel sluggish and cloudy-minded and eating healthier sounds tempting. Though, when we eat lots of fresh vegetables, the flavors and textures of processed foods become tempting to go back to and indulge in. This simple but insidious pattern is why people continue to smoke even when they know it’s harming them, why people continue to eat large portions of dessert, why most adults don’t get nearly enough sleep. There’s a stickiness involved with change that makes it really hard to choose one direction and stick with it.
If you are someone who can relate to this stickiness, you are not alone. What you are doing is difficult, it takes a determined person to make it through the ups and downs, and though it may not seem like it in the short-term, persistence over time will make it easier to stick to the one, healthy direction you’re heading.
