Being “bad” at meditation is something everyone who does it deals with.
We think that we have failed if our mind wanders, or if we don’t feel enlightened at the end. None of this is true.
In fact, this struggle, what some call “failure”, is actually what delivers benefits to us. I cannot describe it any better than Sarah Wilson in First, We Make the Beast Beautiful (I recommend this book if the topic of anxiety is something you want to learn more about):
“Don’t worry about your breathing. Or your posture. Or your chakras. Return to the mantra. When thoughts bubble up, that’s cool. Actually, it’s better than cool. Thoughts are little pockets of stress that your consciousness encounters as it descends into calm. (My bold for emphasis). When you “think” them, the pockets of stress are released. Pop!“
In this section of the book, she’s describing a meditation practice of reciting a mantra in your head. When your thoughts veer off, simply bring them back to the mantra. How beautifully simple.
The idea is that over time, meditation will strengthen your awareness and concentration. The goal isn’t to achieve a mind free of thoughts – that’s impossible – but to encounter the thoughts, stresses, and frustrations of life and to treat them with awareness and respect, doing the things you need/want to do despite the chaos.
Just like walking everyday, if you do it long enough, the benefits will start to enhance your everyday life. You’ll build a sturdy calm-seeking “muscle” that will start to flex itself in situations outside your practice.
Belly Breathing
Some days, meditation can feel like a chore, an obligation, an “ugghhh do I have to?” kind of thing. Despite our best intentions, we all experience this.
What can we do when we want to take on something that feels large and intimidating? We break it down! We take a smaller step in the same direction. Enter belly breathing.
- Find a comfy position – I like to lay down with one hand on my belly, the other on my chest.
- Take a slow, deep breath in. Feel your belly expanding as far as it can go – like blowing up a balloon.
- Hold for a few seconds – the amount of seconds for your in-breath, hold, and out-breath aren’t important. Do what feels physically good for you.
- Slowly breathe out. Pause at the bottom. And repeat.
- This can help those with anxiety as it gets our focus out of our heads and onto our bellies.
- Don’t sweat the details. Don’t expect enlightenment at the end. Don’t expect anything. Like everything, we experiment, see what works for us, and we each decide whether to keep doing it or drop it.
Belly breathing helps us feel calm and can reduce the power our stress response has over us, leading to the many benefits of effective stress management.
Some days, meditation is too tall a task. It’s a common experience. Try belly breathing for 2-5 minutes. See how it feels. Sometimes, the simplest of actions are the most impactful.
